I think there are a lot of bad feelings..
Started with the feeling you lost your cellphone, continued with the feeling you forgot your mom’s brithday all the way to the feeling when somebody lied to you. But I think the worst feeling is the feeling being left behind. Feeling lost. Unloved. Alone. Not feeling as if nobody understands you, no. Feeling that nobody wants to understand you! That you are all alone and nobody cares. That you have noone to go to, noone to tell how you are doing, how you are feeling inside. How you are truly feeling. What is on your mind and above all, what’s on your heart.
It hurts to be alone. Eventhough you got your friends that keep sayin they were here for you, you can see that they may wanna be here for you and they may listen to you. But that they do not want to understand you. Your feelings. Your heart. You.

When you get this feeling, keep in mind: God is always there. He will always listen to you. He will always understand you. Truly and always. Because He loves You. No matter what.

Thank you Lord!

…its hard to find words. But its harder to find none of them.. When we met i didnt expect anything of all this happning..i didnt expect me falling for you…and it took me a long time to realize it. I think too long. All this time we knew eachother i never recognised what a wonderful person you are.how handsome, kind, tall, strong and goodhearted. Goodhearted and honest. At least I thought you were. Until i fell for you. Fell for your smile, fell for your words, fell for the way you look at me, talk to me, listen to me… I fell for your body, your movings and even for you staring into nothin..but the most i fell for my feeling while beeing with you. I know i missed my chance..provided there has ever been one..and i regret. I wish i fell for you some time ago. I wish you gave me a chance a few months ago.. Cos now i’m leavin. Leaving you, your love, you in my mind. At least i want. But i cant. Cos there is the memory of the feeling i felt when i was with you..and i cant let that go.

I was waiting. I really was. too long if you ask me. and im kind of still waiting even if i dont want to. i wanna move on. meet new people. love new people. i want to forget you but i guess thats not that easy. there are songs, places, objects even people that remind me of you. of you and me.

what happened that i cant look you in the eyes anymore? didnt see you for weeks and you cant say hello? the only thing you can is looking at me…like it was ME that hurt you. like i was the one who stopped calling and writing…i cant understand you. i would love to..but i know you wont text, you wont explain without me asking you to. but i cant. i dont want but i also want to know your reasons. your reasons letting me go. your reasons hurting me. your reasons behaving like an asshole.

i really want to forget you. i want to move on. i am really trying. i tell myself “stop thinking bout him you deserve an other one. he’s not good for you”. but sometimes it doesnt work. its not like i dont have somebody anymore. i have my people and i love them. but sometimes i miss you. i miss your face your smell your eyes your words. everything.

but you know what? i met another guy. he’s nice, kind, goodlookin, funny and we’re having a good time. i dont know what’s it gonna be, i just know how it feels. it feels good. and kind of right. even if you stay in my memory, even if because of YOU i got my doubts (isnt he an asshole like you? is he playing with me?). it feels right.

like it felt right with you.